Not the same old “I want my ex-boyfriend back” question…?
Question by catlover3: Not the same old “I want my ex-boyfriend back” question…?
Okay, sorry if this is long.
I have known this guy since I was in 9th grade (we’re in our mid-twenties now). Actually, we’ve lived in the same neighborhood together since we were born and he remembers me from elementary school. In high school we were friends on and off, I dated guys who were friends with him and it seemed as though we were both always dating someone else, even though we always knew we liked each other. Finally, when I was a junior or senior in high school, we were both single and we hooked up for a short time but just to “have fun” and be “friends with benefits.” Then he went away to college, I started dating someone else and went to college, etc.
So in 2006 we were both single again and we reconnected and actually started being “boyfriend/girlfriend” for the first time in a real relationship. It only lasted a year. It seemed like we were perfect, destined for each other and he always talked about us being soul-mates. I’m not really sure why we broke up, it seemed like the best thing for us at the time. We argued sometimes and couldn’t agree on things that seemed important. For a long time all I could think of were the bad parts of the relationship and I dwelled on all the negative things.
It’s been a few years and up until very recently, I honestly thought I was over him. I thought I had moved on. I just in the past 6 months tried dating new people, but it never worked out (I thought maybe my standards are too high or I’m too picky). Then I reconnected with this guy again. I started remembering all the good parts of our relationship instead of the bad, and all the things I loved about him. We hooked up again last weekend, but now I’m not really sure where this is going.
I had convinced myself I didn’t want to be with him ever again. There were so many times in the last 2-3 years that he has practically begged me to come back to him, sent me flowers on Valentine’s day, etc. And there were times when I wanted him back but he didn’t want me. So I had finally (I thought) gotten over it all and kept telling myself it wasn’t meant to be. But I’m still drawn to him and I can’t explain it. I kind of want him back, but I’m just not sure about being in a relationship with him again. My head says no but some other part of me says yes. Being with him last weekend was amazing, but it was just one night and I can still remember the problems we had in our relationship.
Plus, I just found out that in the past year he dated someone else for over 6 months. I think it was pretty serious. It bothers me that all that time I thought I was over him but I never really moved on and I still thought of him every day, while he actually did move on and fell in love with someone else. They’re no longer together and I’m afraid to even ask him about this, afraid to find out he really has moved on and doesn’t love me anymore, and that what happened last weekend was just a physical thing.
I guess I could use some advice. Stupid to be asking on here, but I’d rather do it “anonymously” than ask my friends and family what they think (I know they’d probably just tell me what I want to hear).
Do I give this relationship a second chance? (actually, it seems like it’s more of a third, fourth or fifth chance for all the times we’ve almost been together). The logical, rational part of me still insists I don’t want to be in a relationship with him, but now I think that’s just a defense mechanism so I don’t get hurt again. How do I open my heart again and take a risk?
Best answer:
Answer by $$[CodeBlack]$$
Since you answered mine i’ll take a stab at urs.
When you think of it, every relationship isnt as perfect as its set out to be. There’s problems here and there but you shouldn’t dwell on the negative too much because it sways the mind into thinking things that aren’t always for the better. To me it sounds like this story comes right out of a book, and those are usually always happy endings. So my advice to you is to actually try and give it that third chance because you did say that you tried to date but it just never really worked out.
Also, since you guys were not together both of you could have dated anyone but im pretty sure he is over the girl if he is giving the attempt to get back with you. So if the weekend together was so amazing, i say you guys should try and be with each other.
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